Reach Out and Touch
by gotgoats
Summary: This is a piece of nonsense that has been niggling at my brain. What if the characters got mad at us for our plot bunnies? What would happen? This piece of foolishness answers that question. Hope you enjoy! I sure had fun writing it! Absolute total crackiness intended to make fun of myself! Poetry, mentions of everyone. Spoilers for all of my stories.


Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Note: Thanks to Headbanger Rockstar, my amazing beta!

Note: This is a piece of nonsense that has been niggling at my brain. What if the characters got mad at us for our plot bunnies? What would happen? This piece of foolishness answers that question. Hope you enjoy! I sure had fun writing it! Absolute total crackiness intended to make fun of myself!

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McGee sat at his computer his mind in a fumble.

For there was a writer with whom he had a grumble.

He'd been sent to prison, and if _that_ wasn't enough,

She'd exposed all his fraud with the technical stuff.

Not only that, but she had been rude

And had the nerve to call Tony lewd.

Palmer seemed gay, and Abby a child,

Ziva needed a pill to be mild.

Who in the world does she think she is?

Does this writer think that she is a whiz?

I hope that she chokes on her sip of tea,

Or that someone like Gibbs might break her knee.

An evil smile graced Tim McGee's face,

Malice it was; humor could not replace.

Fat Albert did it, he went through a set.

No one has done it from our group, not yet.

I need to get Palmer, and my dearest Abby

I'm sure they can make something up in her Labby.

Gibbs has the tools and the knowledge, I'm sure,

To make that witch hurt and to do it by score.

Ziva has practice, I'm sure she won't mind,

To put it to use, and kick Gotgoats' behind.

I am not sure why she has left Ducky alone,

But I know our good names, he will gladly atone.

Timmy called Tony, who had a large gripe

He was still in the gym, and he smelled quite ripe.

"Of course I am mad! She called me Buffoon!

There was a day when I made her heart swoon!

"She picks on me in her stories quite of'en,

And most of the time, I think I'll need a coffin.

She's done such a job of boasting my fame,

But the glory days are something I'll never regain.

She makes me miss the days of past seasons

When I acted with purpose, and not foolish reasons.

For all of that, she must be stopped!

For as we all know, my smarts can't be topped!"

The next on his list was the darling Ducky

"I've always been glad that she's written me plucky.

I must say of course, that I am rather disheartened

To know that she sees all of you as head-hardened.

What do you need from me, dear boy,

For I'll do my job, and I'll do it with joy."

"I need you ready to tend to her quick,

So in her world, no charges can stick."

"How will you do it? What do you plan?

For our two worlds do not share a span."

"Did you ever see in a sci-fi movie

The jump from one place to another that's groovy?"

"Often I have! Yes, my dear boy,

And quantum physics, they did employ."

"We have got Abby, so that's not an issue.

And once we get there, Gotgoats needs a tissue."

McGee ended his call and then made another.

He called a man who had no brother.

"Gibbs" was the answer to the phone's ring.

"Boss, I have news of a case I must bring."

"What's going on? Are you sure it can't wait?

I've worked on the boat, and still haven't ate."

"It'll take time, so finish your drink

But we can make Gotgoats swim… or sink."

"Gotgoats? You have a name?

That's the one at whose feet I lay blame?

At first I have a wife with red hair,

And I am happy, but does she care?"

"No she does not, she takes me away,

The next thing I know, she writes that I'm gay!

And then she goes and makes Abby sick

And Tony lost his mind really quick!

She makes us get lost on a blizzarding prairie

And decided that I should look like my head's airy.

She makes me freeze out in the snows

Just to give lessons for frostbitten toes!

The next thing I know, I'm married once more

To a dark wife that my nemesis' abhor!

We adopt kids, and have a great life,

That story ends, and I'm left with no wife!

My Sam disappeared, and in her place,

I woke up to DiNozzo's face!

Not only that, but she made me sick!

Sicker than Abby, and made my mind thick!

I side with Tony, for she must be stopped!

We'll travel to her world, and get her thought bubble popped!"

"They don't have scripts to learn like we do

People like her? Get their brains from the zoo."

"Well, I guess that explains some of this crap

I was beginning to fear we were stuck in a trap

Of some twisted mind in a nut house

I'm glad it turns out we're only stuck with a louse."

"Wow. That's a lot for you to say

But let me say "bye" and be on my way.

I need to call Abby and then our dear Palmer.

Ziva, I think I will leave till she's calmer."

The phone in Tim's ear, it did give a click,

And the young man ignored his nervous tick.

It would not do, to start backing down

"She must be stopped, this unrighteous clown."

"Hey! This is Abby!" Was screamed over music

"I'm dancing today to Colombian Airsick!"

"Please turn it down so that you can hear,

For I need your help, to get out of here."

"Where are you going, my little Timmy?"

She said to the side, then "Turn it down, Jimmy!"

"Jimmy is there? Is that what you said?

For if he is, I'm a phone call ahead!"

"Jimmy's right here, now what's this about?

You had the day off…did Vance use his clout?"

"No, I'm at my house, but don't interrupt,

For I have a plan, to our plot lines corrupt!"

"What on earth are you going on for?

There isn't a thing we can do, Mi amor.

We all get stuck, because of some bunny

In all kinds of things that we don't find funny."

"There is one author that we hate the most,

If I had my way, she'd be a ghost!"

"Which one is that? I can name many

Who've given bad plots and horror aplenty."

"Who else but Gotgoats, you silly girl!

How many times have your guts had a whirl?

In every story, you either get sick,

Or have a baby, and show really quick."

"I hate to say it, but you know that he's right."

Palmer stood nodding, using all of his might.

"She called me gay, and now Breena knows,

So Ned won't see me outside of our shows."

"I'm really sad, cuz I hoped to find

Myself in a threesome, and not left behind.

But since she said that I seemed to be gay,

My wife clings to me, and I can't get away."

"Jim, you're with Abby, and she's not your wife.

I'm sure there's another reason for strife."

"No, he is right. I'm afraid I agree,

For when he gets home, he'll get third degree."

"I say we kill her, with no evidence.

For I know a witch, who's in Providence.

We can leap through a portal, and then jump back.

And if we hurry, our show won't have slack."

"How do you know someone in Gotgoats' world?

How have you gotten dimensions unfurled?"

"Timmy, I'm Abby. Some things you don't ask.

Now be sure to call Gibbs, he'll need a full flask."

"Now what about Ziva? Give her a call?

For at this task, she'll give it her all."

"No, don't call Ziva, we still need viewers,

If we call her, she'll blast, and leave fewers."

"But she is the best at death and mayhem.

Surely we'll need her to cause our bedlam?"

"No, that we won't." Jimmy pushed up his glasses.

"I've learned a lot in my night classes."

"I know my poisons, and arteries,

And how to crash into trees with some skis.

Just get me there, and I'll make it happen.

Of course with some help, it's as easy as snappin'."

"Let's get moving, and get on our way.

For we need this done, and without delay.

Jimmy, you've got this, and we're your back up

You've only got one shot, so don't mess it up."

What none of them figured or cared to recall,

Was that this Gotgoats, was having a ball.

She was just grinning as she typed away,

Happy to leave them with having their say.

As they readied to jump through the portal,

Goats just smiled and thought "I am mortal".

She'd tempt the fates on some other day,

As she went whistling along on her way.

The story was left, unfinished of course,

While McGee tried to force

His way to this world, he didn't quite make it.

Gotgoats stopped writing….


End file.
